“Life is a nightmare.”
"I'm not afraid of dying; I'm only afraid of living, and I want to put a bayonet through my stomach."
“I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?”
“People are screwed up in this world. I'd rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and ready to explode.”
“I'm done with those; regrets are an excuse for people who have failed.”
“Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it's not a mental complaint-it's a physical thing, like it's physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don't come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people's words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.”
“I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter.”
“I don't know how I can be so ambitious and so lazy at the same time.”
“Things to do today:
1) Breathe in.
2) Breathe out.”
“I don't owe people anything, and I don't have to talk to them any more than I feel I need to.”
“I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here."
"Is there something wrong with that?"
"Absolutely.”
“Life's not about feeling better, it's about getting the job done.”
“Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real.”
“I just want to not be me.”
“See, when you mess something up, you learn for the next time. It's when people compliment you that you're in trouble. That means they expect you to keep it up.”
“Sometimes I just think depression's one way of coping with the world. Like, some people get drunk, some people do drugs, some people get depressed. Because there's so much stuff out there that you have to do something to deal with it.”
“So why am I depressed? That's the million-dollar question, baby, the Tootsie Roll question; not even the owl knows the answer to that one. I don't know either. All I know is the chronology.”
“I'm smart but not enough--just smart enough to have problems.”
“That's all I can do. I'll keep at it and hope it gets better.”
“I work. And I think about work, and I freak out about work, and I think about how much I think about work, and I freak out about how much I think about how much I think about work, and I think about how freaked out I get about how much I think about how much I think about work.”
“I’m not better, you know. The weight hasn’t left my head. I feel how easily I could fall back into it, lie down and not eat, waste my time and curse wasting my time, look at my homework and freak out and go and chill at Aaron’s, look at Nia and be jealous again, take the subway home and hope that it has an accident, go and get my bike and head to the Brooklyn Bridge. All of that is still there. The only thing is, it’s not an option now. It’s just… a possibility, like it’s a possibility that I could turn to dust in the next instant and be disseminated throughout the universe as an omniscient consciousness. It’s not a very likely possibility.”
“I should be a success and I'm not and other people- younger people- are. Younger people than me are on TV and getting their lives in order. I'm still a nobody. When am I going to not be a nobody?”
“The absolute worst part of being depressed is the food. A person's relationship with food is one of their most important relationships. I don't think your relationship with your parents is that important. Some people never know their parents. I don't think your relationship with your friends are important. But your relationship with air-that's key. You can't break up with air. You're kind of stuck together. Only slightly less crucial is water. And then food. You can't be dropping food to hang with someone else. You need to strike up an agreement with it.”
“(...) Since I was a kid."
"Which you refer to as 'back when you were happy.'"
"Right.”
“The stuff adults tell you not to do is the easiest.”
“No," mom says, looking at me in the eyes. "What's a triumph is that you woke up this morning and decided to LIVE. THAT'S a triumph. that's what you did today.”
“Depression starts slow.”
“Some of the most profound truths about us are things that we stop saying in the middle.”
“My family shouldn't have to put up with me. They're good people, solid, happy. Sometimes when I'm with them I think I'm on television.”
“Life can't be cured, but it can be managed.”
“And I could have died right then. And considering how things went, I really should have.”
“It’s tough to get out of bed; I know that myself. You can lie there for an hour and a half without thinking anything, just worrying about what the day holds and knowing that you won’t be able to deal with it.”
“She doesn't want to end up like me. At least I'm giving someone an example not to follow.”
“What am I always going to do? I'm going to go home and freak out.I'm going to sit with my family and try not to talk about myself and what's wrong. Im going to try and eat. Then I'm going to try and sleep. I dread it. I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?”
“We look into each other's eyes as we shake. His are still full of death and horror, but in them I see my face reflected, and inside my tiny eyes inside his, I think I see some hope.”
“Sometimes when you open a book, time stops.”
“I made that test my bitch.”
“The Shift is coming. The Shift has to be coming. Because if you keep living like this you'll die.”
“Ski. Sled. Play basketball. Jog. Run. Run. Run. Run home. Run home and enjoy. Enjoy. Take these verbs and enjoy them. They're yours, Craig. You deserve them because you chose them. You could have left them all behind but you chose to stay here.
So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live.
Live.”
“I wanted to tell people, "My depression is acting up today" as an excuse for not seeing them, but I never managed to pull it off.”
“I like how you don't hide your problems like everyone else, and I don't have to hide mine when I'm around you.”
“I have a system with bathrooms. I spend a lot of time in them. They are sanctuaries, public places of peace spaced throughout the world for people like me.”
“Take these verbs and enjoy them. They're yours, Craig. You deserve them because you chose them. You could have left them all behind but you chose to stay here.”
“I can’t function here anymore. I mean in life: I can’t function in this life. I’m no better off than when I was in bed last night, with one difference: when I was in my own bed—or my mom’s—I could do something about it; now that I’m here I can’t do anything. I can’t ride my bike to the Brooklyn Bridge; I can’t take a whole bunch of pills and go for the good sleep; the only thing I can do is crush my head in the toilet seat, and I still don’t even know if that would work. They take away your options and all you can do is live, and it’s just like Humble said: I’m not afraid of dying; I’m afraid of living. I was afraid before, but I’m afraid even more now that I’m a public joke. The teachers are going to hear from the students. They’ll think I’m trying to make an excuse for bad work.”
“I want to live but I want to die. What do I do?”
“You want to play video games twenty-four hours a day?"
"Or watch. I just want to not be me. Whether it's sleeping or playing video games or riding my bike or studying. Giving my brain up. That's what's important.”
“And I mouth into the phone, I love you, in case some of her cells pick up on the vibrations and it serves me well in the next life. If there is one. If there is a next life, I hope it's in the past; I don't think the future will be any more handleable.”
“Every tongue bit had another word to say.”
“I hug her one more time and pull her down to the bed. And in my mind, I rise up from the bed and look down on us, and look down at everybody else in this hospital who might have the good fortune of holding a pretty girl right now, and then at the entire Brooklyn block, and then the neighborhood, and then Brooklyn, and then New York City, and then the whole Tri-State Area, and then this little corner of America- with laser eyes I can see into every house- and then the whole country and the hemisphere and now the whole stupid world, everyone in every bed, couch, futon, chair, hammock, love seat, and tent, everyone kissing or touching eachother... and i know that i'm the happiest of all of them.”
“I'm jealous of her. Can you be jealous of your mom for being able to handle things? I couldn't take a day off, take a dog to the vet, and cook dinner. That's like three times too much stuff for me to get done in one day. How am I ever going to have my own house?”
“They've spent alot of money on me. I'm ashamed.”
“I don't-" I shake my head. (...)
"What? What were you going to say?" This is another trick of shrinks. They never let you stop in midthought. If you open your mouth, they want to know exactly what you had the intention of saying.”
“I wasn’t gifted. Mom was wrong. I was just smart and I worked hard. I had fooled myself into thinking that was something important to the rest of the world. Other people were complicit in this ruse. Nobody had told me I was common.”
“You all right, man?'
This should be my name. I could be like a super hero: You All Right Man.
Ah...' I stumble.
Don't bug Craig,' Ronny is like. 'He's in the Craig zone. He's Craig-ing out.”
“I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human.”
“I feel dead, wasted, awful, broken and useless. It's not the kind of feeling you forget.”
“I found myself jealous of the people who wrote the books. They were dead and they were still taking up my time. Who did they think they were?”
“I'm young, but I'm already screwing up my life. I'm smart but not enough -- just smart enough to
“Is that the truth, Jimmy?" I ask without looking at him. "It's the truth and it come to ya!" I smile.”
“People don't make good Anchors, though, Craig. They change.”
“I'm going to be here until I'm cured?"
"Life is not cured, Mr. Gilner. Life is managed".”
“I think you run out of 'I love yous”
“That's my school. I worked harder to get in than I did for anything else, ever. I went there because, coming out of it, I'd be able to be President. Or a lawyer. Rich, that's the point. Rich and successful.
And look where it got me. One stupid year and here I am with not one, but two bracelets on my wrist, next to a shrink in a room adjacent to a hall where there's a guy named Human Being walking around. If I keep doing this for three more years, where will I be? I'll be a complete loser. And what If I keep on? What if I do okay, live with the depression, get into College, do College, go to Grad School, get the Job, get the Money, get Kids and a Wife and a Nice Car? What kind of crap will I be in then? I'll be completely crazy.”
"I thought… you haven’t really lived until you’ve contemplated suicide"
“I love you, even though I’m a teenager and I’m not supposed to.”
"You never know what truly would have happened if you had done your shoulds and woulds. Your
life might have turned out worse, isn’t that possible?"
"That’s worse than gonorrhea, man."
"You’re bringing a vampire movie onto a floor full of psych patients.""Are you like a blood fetishist? There was one of them in here before. He wanted to make me like his Queen of the Night or something."
Craig: "She's just one of those girls who's never not had a boyfriend."
Noelle: "Sometimes we call those girls sluts."
"It’s when people compliment you that you’re in trouble. That means they expect you to keep it up."
"They were called Friend One and Friend Two. The party didn’t really start until they showed up."
"If you don’t have any words to put on the board, you can make up a word, as long as you have an actual definition for that word in your head. If your definition makes other people laugh you get the points, but otherwise, you lose the points."
"The Tentacles are the evil tasks that invade my life. "
"See, that's the part I don't get, Craig. I mean, you're cool, you're smart, you're talented. You have a family that loves you. You know, what I would do just to be you, for just a day? I would... I would do so much. I would... I don't know. I would just... I'd just live. Like it meant something." - Bobby
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