Chasing Amy

"I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the-the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being... I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't-I can't look into your eyes without feeling that-that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, 'cause I've never felt this way before, and I-I don't care... 
Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I am forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of it." 

"I feel a hate crime coming on." 

"To cut oneself off from finding that person, to immediately halve your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person within your own gender, that just seemed stupid to me. So I didn't. But then you came along. You, the one least likely. I mean, you were a guy...

And while I was falling for you I put a ceiling on that, because you were a guy. Until I remembered why I opened the door to women in the first place: to not limit the likelihood of finding that one person who'd complement me so completely." 

"Ménage à trois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind, right? I mean, I am not used to this sort of thing. I mean, I was raised Catholic, for God's sake."

"I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your fucking whore."

"I didn't hate her. I wasn't disgusted with her. I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small, like... like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level, like I'd never be enough for her or something like that, you know what I'm saying? But, what I did not get, she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was... she was looking for me, for the Bob. But, uh, by the time I figure this all out, it was too late, man. She moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away. So, I've spent every day since then chasing Amy... so to speak." 

Holden: "Alyssa from last night Alyssa?"

Hooper: "How do you begin and end a question with the same word like that? You got skill."

"Since you like chicks, right, do you just look at yourself naked in the mirror all the time?" 

"Well, I don't need a magic 8-ball to look into your future. You want a forecast? Here, will Holden ever f- Alyssa? Oh, what a shock, "Not f-ing Likely." 

Banky: "No, I'm serious. This is a serious exercise. It's like an SAT question. Which one is going to get to the hundred dollar bill first? The male-friendly lesbian, the man-hating dyke, Santa Claus, or the Easter bunny?"

Holden: "The man-hating dyke."

Banky: "Good. Why?"

Holden: "I don't know."

Banky: "Because the other three are figments of your f-ing imagination!"

"What does it matter if I refer to her as a dyke? Or if I call the Whalers a bunch of faggots in the privacy of my own office, far from the sensitive ears of the rest of the world?" 

Hooper: "Those movies are about how the white man keeps the brother man down, even in a galaxy far, far away. Check this shit: You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!"

Banky"What's a Nubian?"

Hooper: "Shut the f- up! Now... Vader, he's a spiritual brother, y'know, down with the force and all that good shit. Then this cracker, Skywalker, gets his hands on a light saber and the boy decides he's gonna run the f-ing universe; gets a whole clan of whites together. And they go and bust up Vader's hood, the Death Star. Now what the f- do you call that?"

Banky: "Intergalactic civil war?"

Hooper: "Gentrification! They gon' drive out the black element to make the galaxy quote, unquote, safe for white folks. And Jedi's the most insulting installment! Because Vader's beautiful black visage is sullied when he pulls off his mask to reveal a feeble, crusty, old white man! They tryin' to tell us that deep inside we all wants to be white!"

Banky:"Well, isn't that true?"

"It all goes back to something my grandmother told me when I was a kid. "Holden," she said, "the big bucks are in d- and fart jokes." She was a church goer."