Firefly

"If you can't run, you crawl. If you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you."

"May have been on the loosing side, still not convinced it was the wrong one." - Mal

"Jayne, your mouth is talking. You might wanna look to that." - Mal

Inara: "You're always breaking the rules, no matter which society you're in! You don't get along with ordinary criminals either, which is why you're constantly getting in trouble!"
Mal: "You think following the rules will buy you a nice life, even if the rules make you a slave."

"Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" - Wash

"Also? I can kill you with my brain." - River Tam

"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty." - Mal

Zoe: "First rule of battle, little one ... don't ever let them know where you are."
Mal: "WHOO-HOO! I'M RIGHT HERE! I'M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O' ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!"
Zoe: "'Course, there're other schools of thought."

"River is not on the ship. They didn't want her but she couldn't make herself leave. So she melted. Melted away. They didn't know she could do that, but she did. I'm not on the ship. I'm in the ship. I AM the ship. River's gone. You're talking to Serenity. And Serenity is very unhappy." - River

"And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic low-life community." - Mal

Badger: "You think you're better than other people!"
Mal: "Just the ones I'm better than."

"We're not thieves, but we are thieves." - Mal

Bendis: "We're gonna die."
Mal: "We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You know why? Because we are so... very... pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die. Huh? Look at that chiseled jaw!"

"Yes sir, Captain Tightpants!" - Kaylee

Wash: "Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction."
Zoe: "We live in a spaceship, dear."

Mal: "Mercy is the mark of a great man."
[stabs Atherton Wing]
Mal: "Guess I'm just a good man."
[stabs Atherton Wing]
Mal: "Well, I'm all right."

"If you can't do something smart, do something right." - Jayne

"You have a strange sense of nobility, Captain. You'll lay a man out for implying I'm a whore, but you keep calling me one to my face." - Inara

Zoe: "I know something ain't right.
Wash: Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail."

You will go to the special level of hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk in the theater." - Shepard

"Well, my time of not taking you seriously is coming to a middle." - Mal

"Let's go be bad guys!" - Jayne

Mal: "Shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the fuzzy-wuzzies or some such?"
Book: "Oh, I've got heathens aplenty right here."

"You don't know me, son, so let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed." - Mal

Simon: "Are you Alliance?"
Jubal Early: "Am I a lion?"
Simon: "What?"
Jubal Early: "I don't think of myself as a lion. You might as well, though, I have a mighty roar."
Simon: "I said 'Alliance.'"

Jubal Early: "Oh, I thought ... "
Simon: "No, I was ... "
Jubal Early: "That's weird."

"I aim to misbehave." - Mal

"Ten percent of nothin' is ... let me do the math here ... nothin' into nothin' ... carry the nothin' ... " - Jayne

"I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you." - Mal

"Every man there go back inside or we will blow a new crater in this little moon." - Wash

Tracey: "When you can't run, you crawl. And when you can't crawl, when you can't do that ... "
Zoe: " ... you find someone to carry you."

"You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin charge here." - Jayne

"Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back!" - Mal

"Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower ... somewhat less attractive now that she's all corpsified and gross." - Wash

"Terse? I can be terse. Once, in flight school, I was laconic." - Wash

"If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skin into their clothes ... and if we're very, very lucky, they'll do it in that order." - Zoe

Mal: "If anyone gets nosy, just ...you know ... shoot 'em. "
Zoe: "Shoot 'em?"
Mal: "Politely."

Kayle: "Going on a year now, nothins twixed my neathers not run on batteries." 
Mal: "I can't know that." 
Jayne: "I can stand to hear a little more."

"Wash, we got some local color happening. A grand entrance would not go amiss." - Mal

"Nobody in the 'verse can stop me." - River

Mal: "Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?"

Zoe: "Big damn heroes, sir."

Mal: "Ain't we just? Sorry to interrupt, folks, but y'all got something that belongs to us, and we'd like it back.

Patron: "This is a holy cleansing. You cannot think to thwart God's will."

Mal: "Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? I'm not saying you weren't easy to find. [But] It was kinda out of our way, and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's lookin' to kill some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting... Gotta say, Doctor, your talent for alienatin' folks is near miraculous."

Simon: "Yes, I'm very proud."

Mal: "Cut her down!"

Patron: "The girl is a witch."

Mal: "Yeah, but she's our witch. So cut her the hell down."

"I am a leaf in the wind... Watch how I soar." - Wash

"I swallowed a bug." - River

Badger: "What were you in the war? That big war you failed to win? You were a sergeant, yeah? Sergeant Malcolm Reynolds ... balls and bayonets brigade. Big, tough veteran. Now you got yourself a ship and you're a captain. Only I think, you're still a sergeant, see? Still a soldier. A man of honor in a den of thieves. Well, this is my gorramn den, and I don't like the way you look down on me. I'm above you, better than! Businessman, see? Roots in the community. You're just a scavenger."
Mal: "Well, maybe I'm not a fancy gentleman like you, with your ... very fine hat. But I do business. We're here for business."

"I cannot abide useless people." - Murphy

"I've been under fire before. Well ... I've been in a fire. Actually, I was fired. I can handle myself." - Wash

"How did your brain even learn human speech?" - Wash

Zoe: "Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller."

Wash: "Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles."

"Dear Diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy. [flips page] Today we were kidnapped by hill folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever." - Jayne

Mal: "Just get us on the ground!"
Wash: "That part will happen pretty definitely!"

"I like watching the game. As with other situations, the key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and standing back." - Inara

Inara: "Physical appearance doesn't matter so terribly. You look for compatibility of spirit. There's an energy about a person that's difficult to hide.You try to feel that —"
Mal: "And then you try to feel the energy of their credit account, it has a sort of...aura..."
Inara: "What did I say to you about barging into my shuttle?"
Mal: "That it was manly and impulsive?"
Inara: "Yes, precisely. Only the exact phrase I used was, "Don't."
Mal: "Well, you're holding my mechanic in thrall. And Kaylee! What the hell is goin' on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?"

"Next time you want to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face." - Mal

Simon: "She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle."

Mal: "No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed—although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't."

River: "The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems."

Mal: "See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like."

"Man walks down the street in a hat like that, you know he's not afraid of anything ... " - Wash

"Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing." - Zoe

"You're welcome on my boat. God ain't." - Mal

"You can't take the sky from me."