Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Joel: "I can't see anything that I don't like about you."

Clementine: "But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me."

Joel: "Okay."

Clementine: "Okay."

"I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be." - Joel

"Sometimes I don't think people realize how lonely it is to be a kid. Like... you don't matter." - Clementine

"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?" - Joel

"You looked happy. Happy with a secret." - Stan

Joel: "Is there any risk of brain damage?"

Howard: "Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss."

Joel: "Hi."

Clementine: "Hi. Didn't figure you'd show your face around me again. I guess I thought you were... humiliated. You did run away, after all."

Joel: "I just needed to see you."

Clementine: "Yeah?"

Joel: "I'd like to, um... take you out, or something."

Clementine: "You're married."

Joel: "Not yet, not married. No, I'm not married."

Clementine: "Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat, I'm high-maintainance, so... I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage, or whatever it is you've got goin' there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me."

Joel: "Okay."

Clementine: "Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours."

Joel: "I remember that speech really well."

Clementine: "I had you pegged, didn't I?"

Joel: "You had the whole human race pegged."

Clementine: "Hmm. Probably."

Joel: "I still thought you were gonna save my life... even after that."

Clementine: "Ohhh... I know."

Joel: "It would be different, if we could just give it another go-round."

Clementine: "Remember me. Try your best; maybe we can."

Joel: "I have to go. I have to catch my ride."

Clementine: "So go!"

Joel: "I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting."

Clementine: "I wish you had stayed."

Joel: "I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do."

Clementine: "Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!"

Joel: "I walked out, I walked out the door!"

Clementine: "Why?"

Joel: "I don't know. I felt like a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know."

Clementine: "You were scared?"

Joel: "Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation, I think."

Clementine: "Was it something I said?"

Joel: "Yeah... you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?"

Clementine: "Oh, I'm sorry."

Joel: "It's okay."

Clementine: "Joely? What if you stayed this time?"

Joel: "I walked out the door. There's no memory left."

Clementine: "Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one."

Clementine: "Bye Joel."

Joel: "I love you."

Clementine: "Meet me... in Montauk..."

"Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating." - Joel

Clementine: "This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon."

Joel: "I know."

Clementine: "What do we do?"

Joel: "Enjoy it."

"Sand is overrated. It's just tiny, little rocks." - Joel

"Random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap." - Voiceover

Clementine: "Joely?"

Joel: "Yeah Tangerine?"

Clementine: "Am I ugly?"

Joel: "Uh-uh."

Clementine: "When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter. So, I'm eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too."

Joel: "You're pretty."

Clementine: "Joely, don't ever leave me."

Joel: "You're pretty... you're pretty... pretty..."

"Adults are, like, this mess of sadness and phobias." - Mary

"What a loss to spend that much time with someone, only to find out that she's a stranger." - Joel

Clementine: "You know me, I'm impulsive."

Joel: "That's what I love about you."

"Are we like those bored couples you feel sorry for in restaurants? Are we the dining dead? I can't stand the idea of us being a couple people think that about." - Joel

"My God, there's people coming out of your butt." - Joel

Clementine: "What took you so long?"

Joel: "I just walked in."

Clementine: "Do you miss me?"

Joel: "Oddly enough, I do!"

Clementine: "You said "I do" - I guess that means we're married!"

Joel: "I guess so!"

Joel: "I had a really nice time last night."

Clementine: "Nice?"

Joel: "I had the best fucking night of my entire fucking life, last night!"

Clementine: "Thaaaat's better!"

Clementine: "And in your little brain. You try to figure out, "Did she fuck someone tonight?"

Joel: "No, see Clem. I assume you fucked someone tonight. Isn't that how you get people to like you?"

"I don't need nice. I don't need myself to be it, and I don't need anybody else to be it at me." - Clementine

Joel: "I can't remember anything without you."

Clementine: "Aw, that's... very sweet, but try."

"Maybe you can find yourself a nice antique rocking chair to die in." - Clementine

Patrick: "Baby, whats wrong?"

Clementine: "I don't know! I DON'T KNOW! I'm lost! I'm scared! I feel like I'm disappearing! MY SKIN'S COMING OFF! I'M GETTING OLD! Nothing makes any sense to me! NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE!"

"Joel, hide me in your humiliation!" - Clementine

Clementine: "You're not a stalker, or anything, right?"

Joel: "I'm not a stalker. YOU'RE the one that talked to me, remember?"

Clementine: "That is the oldest trick in the stalker book."

Joel: "Really? There's a stalker book? Great, I gotta read that one."

"I think your name is magical." - Joel

Patrick: "You know that girl we did last week? The one with the potatoes."

Stan: "That girl? Yeah, that's this guy's girl."

Patrick: "Yeah."

Stan: "Right... Was. Took care of that."

Patrick: "Well uh, I kind of fell in love with her that night."

Stan: "What? You little fuck!"

Patrick: "What?"

Stan: "She was unconscious, man."

Patrick: "Well, she was beautiful and... I stole a pair of her panties as well."

Stan: "Jesus!"

Patrick: "What? It's not like - I mean they were clean and all."

Stan: "Don't tell me this stuff! I don't wanna hear this shit!"

"Look at it out here, it's all falling apart. I'm erasing you and I'm happy!" - Joel

"You don't tell me things, Joel. I'm an open book. I tell you everything, every damn, embarrassing thing." - Clementine

Joel: [on tape recording] "And the whole thing with the hair - it's all bullshit."

Joel: "I really like your hair."

Clementine: "Thank you."

Clementine: "I'm Clementine. Can I... borrow a piece of your chicken?"

Joel: "And then you just took it... without waiting for an answer. It was so intimate; like we were already lovers."

"I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told!" - Clementine

"Can you hear me? I don't want this any more! I want to call it off!" - Joel

Clementine: "I'm gonna marry you... I know it!"

Joel: "Ummm... okay..."

"I really want her to pick me up. It's amazing how strong that desire is." - Joel

Joel: "I love being bathed in the sink - such a feeling of security."

Clementine: "I've never seen you happier, baby Joel."

"My embarrassing admission is I really like that you're nice, right now." - Clementine

"I wanted to understand as much as I could about the procedure as possible... I think it's important for my job to understand the inner workings of the work that we do, well not that I do, but the work that is done by people where I also work, the work of my colleagues." - Mary

Clementine: "What are you, NUTS?"

Joel: "It's been suggested."

"If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know." - Joel

Joel: "It's 3 o'clock."

Clementine: "I kinda sorta wrecked your car."

Joel: "You were driving drunk. It's pathetic."

Clementine: "I was a little tipsy. Don't call me pathetic."

Joel: "Well, it is pathetic. And it's fucking irresponsible. You could've killed somebody. I don't know, maybe you did kill somebody. Should we turn on the news and see? Should I check the grille to see if there's children or small animals?"

"Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant." - Clementine

"He's seducing my girlfriend with MY words and MY things! He stole her underwear! Jesus Christ, he stole her underwear." - Joel

"He's off the map. He's off the map! - Stan

"...Our files are confidential Mr. Barish so we can't show you any evidence. Suffice it to say, Miss Kruczynski was not happy and she wanted to move on. We provide that possibility." - Howard

"The plane crashed. I didn't crash the plane." - Rob

Patrick: "Mary hates me. I've never been popular with the ladies."

Stan: "Maybe if you stopped stealing their panties."

"That was beautiful to watch, Howard. Like a surgeon or a concert pianist." - Mary

"Pages ripped out. Don't remember doing that. It appears this is my first entry in two years." - Joel

Joel: "I don't know. What if it breaks?"

Clementine: "What if? Do you really care right now?"

"By morning, you'll be gone." - Joel

"She decided to erase you almost as a lark." - Carrie

"I'm fucking crawling out of my skin. I should've left you at the flea market." - Clementine

"He could wake up all half-baked and, gooey and, and half-baked... mmm, that sounds sooo good. I'm hungry." - Mary

Clementine: "It's not gonna crack, or break, or... it's so thick!... Show me which constellations you know."

Joel: "Um... oh... I don't... know any."

Clementine: "Show me which ones you know!"

Joel: "Okay... okay... oh! There's Osidius."

Clementine: "Where?"

Joel: "Right there... see? Sort of a swoop and a cross, Osidius the Emphatic."

Clementine: "You're full of shit, right?"

Joel: "Nope. Osidius, right there, swoop and cross."

Clementine: "Shut the fuck up!"

Clementine: "Look, I'm sorry if I came off a little nutso, I'm not really."

Joel: "That's okay, I really didn't think you were."

Joel: "I'm so ashamed."

Clementine: "It's okay, you're a little kid."

Clementine: "You married?"

Joel: "No."

Clementine: "Let's move into this neighborhood!"

Joel: "I do sorta live with someone though."

Clementine: "Male or female?"

Joel: "What? Female... female..."

Clementine: "At least I'm not barking up the wrong tree!"

"The only Valentine's Day cards I get are from my mother. How pathetic is that?" - Frank

"You're really nice... God, I have to stop saying that!" - Clementine

Clementine: "My crotch is still here, just as you remembered it."

Joel: "Yuck!"

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot! 

The world forgetting, by the world forgot 

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! 

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd." - Mary

Wilfred

Ryan: "I'm not crazy!"

Wilfred: "Said the man to the dog."

"Hanging out and smoking weed with your neighbor's dog. Talking about deep shit. Laughing our asses off. Going on crazy adventures. Having a truly unique and remarkable friendship." - Wilfred

"Isolation is a self-defeating dream." - Carlos Salinas de Gortari

"There's darkness everywhere, Ryan. You just can't see because the sun is such an attention whore." - Wilfred

Ryan: "I've seen Lost, Wilfred."

Wilfred: "What did you think of the ending?"

Ryan: "Why can't I get a straight answer out of you?"

Wilfred: "Come on, Ryan. These are big existential questions, best left for boring Russian novelist and teenagers on acid. Real people don't think about this shit."

"Everything has to do with Everything, Ryan."- Wilfred

"Don't worry, I ain't gonna bite you. I can smell your fear like I can smell the sour milk in your fridge. I'm seven years old, and too wise for lies. " - Wilfred

"The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable." - James A. Garfield

Ryan: "I would never.."

Wilfred: "Never what? Shit in your neighbor's boot? Have sex with a stuffed giraffe in front of a small child? You'd be surprised what we're capable of once we put our mind to it."

Ryan: Our mind?"

“You ripped the horn off the unicorn, Ryan, because you wanted it to be a normal horse. But it’ll never be a normal horse because now there’s that circular scab on its forehead.” 

-Wilfred

"So when Jenna leaves the house and I can't see her anymore, she doesn't cease to exist, she's just somewhere else? No, no, no, no. That's just crazy." - Wilfred

Ryan: "There's something I need to tell you."

Jenna: "I know, we were both fragile and caught up in the emotion."

Ryan: "No. I love you. I always have. And if you don't feel the same, that's okay."

Jenna: "I do feel the same. And I know I've hurt you in the past, but that's not gonna happen this time. I know what I want now."

"Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination." - Mark Twain

"Shame is like having a daughter with red hair and freckles; you cannot let it become part of your life!" - Wilfred

"It's anxiety. Jenna's been away too long. She's a goner, I'm sure of it. She's probably choked on piece of lego or something" - Wilfred

"When was the last time you ever felt this good? It's called living, mate. Trust your instincts. No more doubt. No fear. Welcome to your new life." - Wilfred

"Trust thyself only, and another shall not betray thee." - Thomas Fuller

"Fear has its uses but cowardice has none." - Mahatma Ghandi

Wilfred: "That motorcycle dick is ruining the neighborhood. You need to put that asshole in his place."

Ryan: "What's the point of a confrontation? I'd just get my ass kicked."

Wilfred: "So what? That'd be less painful than walking around in constant fear."

Ryan: "What would you suggest I do?"

Wilfred: "March over there, look him straight in the eyes, and say, "I'm the man who shat in your boot." And bend him over and root him right up the ass."

Ryan: "You want me to have sex with him?"

Wilfred: "It's called domination. That's how dogs handle it and, believe me, it's very effective."

Ryan:  "And have you done this with another dog?"

Wilfred: "Every goddamn day."

Ryan: "I can't imagine a scenario in which I would do something like that."

Wilfred:  "Well, then you have no imagination."

Ryan: "If only that were true."

“Are you high? Cause you need to be!” - Wilfred

"I don't know, Ryan. Why is the sky grey? Why is the grass grey? Why is a rainbow grey, grey, grey, grey, grey and infra-grey?" - Wilfred

"Happiness can exist only in acceptance." - George Orwell

Wilfred: "You're breaking up the band. I can't believe it!"

Ryan: "Calm down!"

Wilfred: "Yeah, that's what John Lennon said before he ran off and got nude with that Asian bitch!"

Ryan: "Don't be racist."

Wilfred: "How can I be racist? I'm incapable of seeing color."

"Ryan, you're buried under a box of secrets with a talking dog in a basement that may not even exist." - Wilfred

"Seek respect mainly from thyself, for it comes first from within." - Steven H. Coogler

Wilfred: "Come on, mate. Give us a bit of that gouda I'm smelling."

Ryan: "Wilfred, no, you can't have cheese."

Wilfred: "Well what am I supposed to eat? The grass down here tastes like shit... and the shit tastes like grass!"

Nurse: "That dog needs to go back where it came from."

Wilfred: "Why don't you go back where you came from?! Right over there, where you were standing, before you came over here."

"Woah! You said we were going for a walk. A walk, Ryan - which by definition means 'no destination'! Even a cat knows that." - Wilfred

"Conscience is the dog that can't bite, but never stops barking." - Proverb

Ryan: "What is the one thing that Jenna hates most about Drew."

Wilfred: "The vaginal tearing from his huge cock."

Ryan: "I'm returning the cats. There's no reason to keep them."

Wilfred: "Dude, I was literally just about to kill them."

“Happiness is hard to find. Real, true happiness. We got to try taking risks without second guessing yourself or worrying about the consequences. Otherwise, you’ll never really know” - Ryan

Ryan: "Behold... The instrument of Drew's destruction. Bzzmm... My ping pong paddle from when I was all state table tennis champion."

Wilfred: "So, chemistry, baking and ping pong. I guess my only question is, why were you not blowjobbed to death by the entire cheerleading squad?"

"In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes." - Steven H. Coogler

Wilfred: "I don't know, Ryan. Sometimes I get the feeling that maybe Bear isn't the one."

Ryan: "Maybe you need to spice things up. Take Bear to a nice restaurant."

"Anger as soon as fed is dead -- tis starving makes it fat." - Emily Dickinson

"Sneakers is no one huh? Do you usually buy priceless jewelry for no one? Imitation, colored glass. Plastic painted to look like metal. This isn't some cheap made in China knock-off. This is made in Taiwan. You bastard! Keeping another dog on the side are ya?" - Wilfred

"Ryan, anger is like herpes. You're not meant to keep it to yourself." - Wilfred

"Ryan, remember when I told you a few weeks ago that you are a total pussy? Well I just wanted to apologize for not emphasizing that enough." - Wilfred

"Make no judgements where you have no compassion." - Anne McCaffrey

Ryan: "You son of a bitch!"

Wilfred: "How is that an insult? I've never understood that."

"For a guy who once tried to kill himself, you don't have a whole lot of compassion." - Wilfred

"My friend, I feel great shame for accusing you unjustly. I will not sleep well tonight, but tomorrow during the day I'll take a long nap." - Mr. Patel

Ryan: "Wilfred... This thing we have. The way we communicate. Have you ever had this sort of relationship with anyone else?"

Wilfred: "Why do you ask?"

Ryan: "Have you?"

Wilfred: "It happened once before. I was at a party. And this guy looked right at me and said: "Hey! What's up, dog? I see you. And I know what you're up to." And I said, "well, I see you too. If you got something to say, say it." Turns out he was talking to the guy right behind me, who had been banging his wife. Ryan, please tell me there's not been a guy standing right behind me ever since we've met?"

Ryan: "So nobody else?"

Wilfred: "You're one of a kind, Ryan."

"Your face is the saddle Jenna's been giddy-upping on?" - Wilfred

Ryan: "I really think I'm gonna be alright."

Wilfred: "Of course you are. I'm not going anywhere."

Bruce: "You convinced me to make out with my own father."

Wilfred: "Everybody at the party loved it. They thought it was edgy."

"Wilfred ruined my life, and you know what? You're next." - Bruce

 "What did you do with my hair? I distinctly remember leaving it right here, all over the place." - Wilfred

Jenna: "Wilfred pooped on your lawn."

Wilfred: "There is symbolism in that poop Ryan...and some grass...and half a slipper."

Wilfred: "Are you sure you want to know?"

Ryan: "Yes. Is this a joke?"

Wilfred: "It's not. Ryan, remember the night before we met, the pills you took?"

Ryan: "Yes."

Wilfred: "They worked mate."

Wilfred: "I'm sorry Ryan. They worked. Must have noticed things here are, different. Shit's a little off. Right?"

Ryan: "Am I...?"

Wilfred: "No. You're somewhere in between. Your future depends on the outcome of that settlement, meeting, tomorrow. If Jenna gets her job back, you get to move on."

Ryan: "So none of this is really happening?"

Wilfred: "Everything on the island is real, the rest is an illusion."

Ryan: "What island?"

Wilfred: "Ah, forget that last bit."

Ryan: "Wilfred!"

"I hope you're proud of yourself Ryan. I'm gonna be up all night licking Jenna's tears. Do you know what all that sodium's gonna do to my blood pressure?" - Wilfred

"Discontent is the first necessity of progress." - Thomas Edison

Wilfred: "Do you know why dogs dig?"

Ryan: "Because they're searching for bones?"

Wilfred: "Because we're searching for truth."

 "Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go." - Herman Hesse

"You know what, I don't get it. I've calculated my facial proportions and I'm 94% symmetrical, which according to the index is borderline hot. And I dressed up this boring old lab coat with a quirky Japanese robot pin, so you know I'm fun. And everyone in the office already knows I am a total sex addict." - Amanda

"Those idiots wouldn't know adorable if it cornered them in a holding cell and raped them with a plunger handle. That reminds me; Bear could you pick up a plunger before our next date night?" - Wilfred

"Resistance is useless." - Dr. Who

Jeremy: "Tomorrow. Possible?"

Wilfred: "You, not being a d**k. Possible?"

“Mrs. Newman is my slave name. You can call me Catherine.” - Catherine Newman

Ryan: "I'm the worst brother ever."

Wilfred: "Worst brother ever? Did you ever convince the other siblings in your litter to eat your own sister because she was born with no eyes? Cause I did that."

Wilfred: "There's a war out there, Ryan, a war between dogs and babies...and you brought it to our door step."

Ryan: "You're at war with babies? Over what?"

Wilfred: "Why do any great civilizations go to war? To see who's cutest."

"Be here now." - Ram Dass

"Warner's gonna join us whenever he feels like it. That's one of the things about being rich; you get to treat everybody else like shit. I can't wait." - Kevin

"The master understands that the universe is forever out of control." - Lao Tzu

"Stay out of this squish tits!" - Amanda

Ryan: "Whoever lives in Sacramento probably owned you as a puppy, which means we can prove you were actually born. Therefore, I'm crazy."

Wilfred: "If you really think you're crazy, then why do you feel the need to prove it to me?"

Ryan: "Maybe you're the part of my brain that's so crazy it wouldn't allow me to accept that I'm crazy."

Wilfred: "Ugh, you're so crazy."

"The mistake is thinking that there can be an antidote to the uncertainty." - David Levithan

“Ryan, anger is like herpes. You’re not meant to keep it to yourself.” - Wilfred

Wilfred: "You and Jenna had sex, I know. I can smell her all over you."

Ryan: "Are you okay with that?"

Wilfred: "Just tell me one thing. Did it happen before or after you found out I was dying?"

Ryan: "So you know."

Wilfred: "I was pretty sure. Just had a feeling."

Ryan: "Wilfred, I'm so sorry."

Wilfred: "Just answer my question. Before or after?"

Ryan: "Well, after, but it's not how it sounds. We were just so upset about you, and we... It just happened. Please don't be mad."

Wilfred: "[laughing] "Mad"? I'm not mad."

Ryan: "I don't understand."

Wilfred: "I've brought you and Jenna together. I led you to happiness. Don't you see? This proves it. Now I know for sure. I am a god."

"Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them."—Leo Tolstoy

"Without you I have no purpose. I'm nothing. It's like I don't even exist." - Wilfred

Wilfred: "You're not crazier than anybody else."

Ryan: "Said the dog to the man."