The Grand Budapest Hotel

"Keep your hands off my lobby boy!"

"You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it."

"You're looking so well, darling, you really are... they've done a marvelous job. I don't know what sort of cream they've put on you down at the morgue, but... I want some."

Zero: "What happened?"

M. Gustave: "What happened, my dear Zero, is I beat the living shit out of a sniveling little runt called Pinky Bandinski, who had the gall to question my virility. Because, if there's one thing we've learned from penny dreadfuls, it's that when you find yourself in a place like this, you must never be a candy ass; you've got to prove yourself from day one. You've got to win their respect. You should take a long look at his ugly mug this morning."

M. Gustave: "He's actually become a dear friend."

"There are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity... He was one of them. What more is there to say?"

Henckels: "By order of the commissioner of police, Zubrowka Province, I hereby place you under arrest for the murder of Madame Celine Villenueve Desgoffe-und-Taxis."

M. Gustave: "I knew there was something fishy. We never got the cause of death. She's been murdered, and you think I did it."

"Did he just throw my cat out of the window?"

"Well, what does it say? Where is it? What's it all about, damn it? Don't keep us in suspense, Serge, this has been a complete fucking nightmare! Just tell us what the fuck is going on!"

Dmitri: "This criminal has plagued my family for nearly 20 years. He's a ruthless adventurer and a con artist who preys on mentally feeble, sick old ladies! And he probably fucks them, too!"

M. Gustave: "I go to bed with all my friends."

"Who's got The Throat-Slitter?"

This is van Hoytl's exquisite portrayal of a beautiful boy on the cusp of manhood. Blond, smooth skin as white as that milk, of impeccable provenance. One of the last in private hands, and unquestionably the best. It's a masterpiece. The rest of this shit is worthless junk.

"Nobody move; everybody's under arrest."

M. Gustave: "Serge X, missing. Deputy Kovacs, also missing. Madame D, dead. Boy With Apple, stolen. By us. Dmitri and Jopling, ruthless, cold-blooded savages. Gustave H, at large. What else?"

Zero: "Zero, confused."

M. Gustave: "Zero, confused, indeed. The plot thickens, as they say. Why, by the way? Is it a soup metaphor?"

Zero: "I don't know."

"I must say, I find that girl utterly delightful. Flat as a board, enormous birthmark the shape of Mexico over half her face, sweating for hours on end in that sweltering kitchen, while Mendl, genius though he is, looms over her like a hulking gorilla. Yet without question, without fail, always and invariably, she's exceedingly lovely."

Dmitri: "If I learn you ever once laid a finger on my mother's body, living or dead, I swear to God, I'll cut your throat! You hear me?"

M. Gustave: "I thought I was supposed to be a fucking faggot."

Dmitri: "You are, but you're bisexual."

"Don't flirt with her."

1. M. Gustave: "She was dynamite in the sack by the way."
2. Zero Moustafa: "She was 84."
3. M. Gustave: "I've had older."
4. 
   

"You cannot simply arrest him because he is a bloody immigrant."

"And so my life began, junior lobby boy in training under the strict command of M. Gustave H. Many of the hotel's most valued and distinguished guests came for him. I became his pupil and he was to be my counselor and guardian. This is also when I met Agatha."

"You're the first of the official death squads to whom we've been formally introduced. How do you do?"

"Checkpoint 19 ain't no two-bit hoosegow. You've got broad gauge iron bars on every door, vent and window. You've got 72 guards on the floor with 60 more in the towers. You've got a 325-foot drop into a moat of crocodiles. But like the best of them, it's got a soft spot, which in this case happens to take the form of a storm drain sewer system, dating from the time of the original rock fortification way back in the middle ages. Now, nobody's saying it's a stroll down the tree line promenade with a fine lady and a
white poodle but it's got what you'd call venerability and that's our bread and butter. Take a look."

"I'm afraid that's me, darling."

Pinky: "Me and the boys talked it over. We think you're a really straight fellow."

M. Gustave: "Well, I've never been accused of that before, but I appreciate the sentiment."

"To be frank, I think his world had vanished long before he ever entered it - but, I will say: he certainly sustained the illusion with a marvelous grace!"